Funny Craft Poems - Diet, Exercise & Fitness

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Funny short craft poems for Diet, Exercise & Fitness

Please keep the authors name with their poems. Thank You!

Walk Around the Block

Take a wooden block- 3"x3" (u can get lots out of a simple long piece u just have to cut) (or you can use toy blocks) put in a plastic bag with a note that reads....................

take out block,
lay on floor,
walk around 3 times and go sit down,
now feel good about yourself,
you've walked around the block 3 times,.....

Fitness Block

When exercising is such a chore
Place your block on the floor
Walk around it as many times needed
And tell yourself " you've not cheated"
ritchiel-10

Diet aide

Large bandaids = put the patch over your mouth whenever you have the urge to pig out on junk food.

To go on a diet
You've got it made
Just cover your lips
With this Dieting Aide
katieangelamber © 2005

Diet kit

Fork with tines cut half way off
Spoon with a hole in it
Knife with blade sliced in half
So you can pig out but only eat half as much.

Diet mirror

This specially designed mirror actually makes you look slimmer.
Contains 5 phrases designed to encourage the efforts of the dieter such as:
1. You're looking slimmer already!
2. You're looking marvelous darling, keep it up!
3. Keep up the good work, it's showing!

Exercise Program

Monday
beat around the bush
jump to conclusions
climb the walls
wade through the paperwork

Tuesday
drag my heels
push my luck
make mountains out of mole hills
hit the nail on the head

Wednesday
bend over backwards
jump on the band wagon
balance the books
run around in circles

Thursday
toot my own horn
climb the ladder of success
pull out all the stops
add fuel to the fire

Friday
open a can of worms
put my foot in my mouth
start the ball rolling
go over the edge

Saturday
pick up the pieces
whew!
what a workout!

Sunday
Rest!
---by Annette

Fish & chips

Plastic fish & poker chips

When you are on a diet
You can have your chips and fish
But don't reach for salt and vinegar
You won't need them on this dish
The best thing of all about them
Is they won't add calories to your day
And just by having them near you
Your craving may go away
© 2005 Yvonne Lowther

Magic Pig Wand

Craft stick with a pig head glued on.
Wave once over food to remove calories..
.wave TWICE over desserts!
---Carolyn

Magic Weight Loss Beans

Put some large dried beans into a baggie and add these directions.

1. Remove beans from bag.
2. Throw them on the floor.
3. Bend down and pick up each bean.
4. Repeat hourly as needed.

Three-step Diet Program

1 - fork with 1 tine removed: 20-30 lb. Loss
2 - for with 2 tines removed: 30-50 lbs. Loss
3 - all 3 removed: 50 lbs. Or more

Diet Gag Gifts

Postby angela >> Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:39 am
Date Posted: 10:27:54 12/03/07 Mon
Author: jazbo
Subject: >>>Get ready for the new year - Diet gag gifts<<<

CALORIES THAT DON'T COUNT

FOOD ON FOOT: Food eaten while standing has no calories.
Gravity causes calories to bypass the stomach, flow to the leg and into the ground.

TV FOOD:
Food eaten in front of the TV has no calories. Radiation leakage negates the calories in the food and any recollections of having eaten it.

BALANCED FOOD:
Drink a diet soda with a candy bar; they cancel each other out.

FOOD FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES:
Food used for medicinal purposes (hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake, etc.) never counts.

FOOD ON TOOTHPICKS:
Any food impaled on frilled toothpicks, like sausage, cocktail franks, cheese and olives, have no calories. The insertion allows calories to leak out.

CHARITABLE FOODS:
Girl Scout cookies, bake sale cakes, ice cream socials, and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories.

CUSTOM-MADE FOOD:
Anything anybody makes "just for you" must be eaten regardless of the calories. To do otherwise would be insensitive. Your kind intentions will not go unrewarded.

Chocolate mouthwash

I put about 4-5 red, green, silver kisses in small zip lock baggie and made the same business card size tag with this:

Exercise is a bad word
Every time I think of it
I wash my mouth out with chocolate!
(That's it. Sold for $1.50)

"diet fork"

My mother made a diet fork for me as a gift. She got a silver fork from a thrift shop, and curled all the tines of the fork with pliers until they looked like that curly ribbon. She adorned it with ribbons and beads, and it was rather pretty. (To be fancy, one could even engrave "diet fork" on the fancy part of it, and/or drill a hole for hanging!)

This goes with a fork, with the tines bent in all directions:

I've got a new diet
You can eat all you can
No counting! No weighing!
No special meal plan.
Trust me - this diet
Is easy to master -
Use only this fork!
You'll lose weight much faster!
---Diane

A DIETER'S PSALM

Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the confectioners.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department,
I will buy no sweet rolls for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce.
I filleth my stomach with liquids; my day's quota runneth over.
Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the fear of scales forever.

Diet skeleton

Put a little Halloween skeleton in a craft bag with this tag:

You say you're on a diet
And you must watch everything you eat
You need to lose a little weight
And you're determined you won't be beat
But be careful as you do it
Don't go too far or you will see
You won't just lose a few pounds
You'll end up looking like me
© Caboobies Crafts (Y.Lowther)

#2 - You're the reason I don't diet
I don't want to be this thin
Don't want my bones to rattle
So I'll just dig right in!
© va 2005

Diet Ware

Because I have no will power to refrain
From yummy foods and special treats
I've found the perfect tableware
Broken tines, bent blades and spoons with leaks
© Joy Prance 07-23-04

#2 -
If your pretty silverware
Keeps pushing food in your face
Here is the newest in diet ware
Just use this in its place!
©Joy Prance 07-23-04

#2 -

DIETER'S KIT

Dieting can be stressful
no one will tell you that it's fun
but the battle to get slim
& lose a few pounds has begun
To help you stay on course
to aid you on your way
here's a little encouragement kit
for when resolution starts to sway.
APPLE BANANA & ORANGE - I have even supplied you with lunch so you can get a fruity attitude.
BATH SALTS - - - - - - - - a rewarding way to unwind at the end of a healthy day.
A BELT - - - - - - - - - - Soon you will need this to keep your clothes from falling down.
ENERGY BAR - - - - - - - - OK so it's not chocolate, but it really isn't that bad.
MAGAZINE & SCISSORS - Cut out photos of your head and stick over the models in the magazine to see instant slimming results.
SCRAP OF PRETTY MATERIAL - a start on next years bikini.
A SIGN SAYING NO! - - - - This needs no explanation, just stick it on your fridge.
SIGN SAYING "YOU CAN DO IT" - Because I know that you can
SKIPPING ROPE - - - - - - When the weather is too miserable for walking or to tie your hands together when they keep heading toward the biscuit jar.
SPARKLING MINERAL WATER - Pretend it is expensive champagne and sip slowly.
TIC TACS - Only 2 calories each AND fresh breath, what a bargain!
© - sue pitchfork

Magic pig spoon

Here's a magic pig spoon
to make your meal a treat
wave it over your plate
and calories it will delete.
Some foods may need a second wave
before you do tuck in
desserts and chocolate
will never make you thin.
So proudly hold the pig spoon
and eat as you declare
I've cancelled out the calories
so only taste is left in there.
© Sue Pitchfork~

Magic Pig Wand

Craft stick with a pig head glued on.
Wave once over food to remove calories..
.wave TWICE over desserts!
--- Carolyn

Piggy Diet Spoon

Glue a toy pig to the spoon bowl
Piggy, piggy in the trough
Help my goal to take it off
Remind me that my jeans are tight
If I try to sneak a bite!
© Jennifer Byerly

#2 -
Diet spoon do your stuff
If you must then please be tough
Grunt a warning if I lack
Self control and want to snack
© Jennifer Byerly

#3 -
Little piggy in the spoon
Watching what I eat
He'll squeeeeaaaal loudly
If he sees me cheat
© 2004 lou buffkin

Sayings
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

Three-step Diet Program
1 - fork with 1 tine removed: 20-30 lb. Loss
2 - for with 2 tines removed: 30-50 lbs. Loss
3 - all 3 removed: 50 lbs. Or more

#1 -
This jar is my incentive
To take off all those pounds
And stop looking like Frosty
Big and fat and round
For every pound I lose
A dollar I put in
As the dollars add up
Upon my face I'll wear a grin
But if I should gain weight
A dollar per pound I take out
And that would surely make me
Frown and wear a pout
When my diet is over
The money I'll have for a treat
I'll buy me something special
As long as it isn't sweet
katieangelamber © 2004

#2 -
This is my incentive jar
to get me nice and slim
every time I lose a pound
some money will go in.

But if I gain weight
apart from feeling bad and fat
I'll have to take some money out
I don't like the sound of that!

So hopefully this diet jar
will help me make my goal
and for each milestone reached
I'll reward my self control.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~

#3 -
Please pay close attention
I'm trying to do my best
I want to lose some weight this year
I promise, I don't jest
I thought of an incentive
And this jar will be the thing
For every time I lose a pound
You'll hear this jar go ping
I'll add a coin per pound I lose
I'd deduct one for each I gain
So watch this jar, how fast it fills up
For losing weight's my aim
© 2005 Yvonne Lowther

Weight Loss Program it contains:

Exercise Cream
Block (of wood)
Tummy Tucker (baby stapler with extra staples)
Magic Weight Loss Beans
Head & Wrist Bands

#1 -
Here's a weight loss program
to get you fit and trim,
there's a block of wood
with instructions for use within.
Cream and magic weight loss beans
to keep you on your toes,
and some head and wrist bands
to strike a healthy pose.
And if all else fails
you can try the tummy tuck,
your weight loss program starts today
I wish you lots of luck!
© Sue Pitchfork~

#2 -
Weight Loss Program
Cream, exercise and magic
may be all that you need,
but for desperate measures....
a little tuck is guaranteed!
by shirleyt@craftsayings.com 2004

Weight loss wands
Weight Loss
You've over indulged and now with regret
You feel the weight accumulate.
But here's a weight loss wand; at last
Just wish, swish, drink water and fast!
>^..^< © SallyIndy

There is magic for weight loss in the wand
No more need for those gimmicks and lies
All you need is right here for you
Just add a good diet and exercise!
>^..^<© SallyIndy

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