Inspirational & Humorous Survival Kits
with Poems, Quotes & Sayings:
- Survival Candy Kits starting with " N-R "
**You could make a fabric covered lid for a basket and put your items in it with a poem/saying. - by Jen
... Address Book.....To add all the new friends you are going to make.
... Almond Joy......it's a joy to have you as a neighbor.
... Angels:
... Neighbors are angels in disguise
... Neighbors like you are heaven-sent
... Any soda: "We're "soda-lighted" we're neighbors!"
... Bag of chips....For a quick snack.
... Bananas: "If we could choose our neighbors, and we searched the whole world through, we'd go "bananas" trying to find a better "bunch" than you!"
... Bear Shaped Honey: "For our "honey" of a neighbor".
Bee -
... buzzin' by with a friendly Hi!
... Thanks for bee-ing such great neighbors!
... Box of crackers, and soup mix.....a quick little lunch, so you don't go hungry.
... Broom or Feather Duster: "You're "dust" the finest neighbors we know!"
... Bubbles - ... you are so "bubbly" (bubbles) that I never know what to expect.
... Cake or Cupcakes: "You take the "Cake" neighbor, We think you're first rate!
... Calculator: I can always count on you
... Can of pineapples...Because pineapples are a sign of Welcome
... Chewing gum....so you have something to chew on besides your nails.
... Cleaners: "You add sparkle and make our life brighter!"
... Cold drinks...to quench your thirst while unpacking.
... Cookie dough - shape into a log and wrap and put something like: I brought you some "dough", because I am "fortunate" to have you! welcome....(don't forget to put cooking instructions...could end up being burned offerings!)
... Cow - There's no udder quite like you
... Crayon:
... we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp; some are pretty; some are dull; some have weird names; & all are different colors, but they all have to learn to live in the same box. Aren't you glad we get along so well?
... Flower: "If friends, neighbors were flowers, we'd pick you!"
... Gloves - You are always there to lend a helping hand;
... Grater & Cheese: "To a "grate" neighbor"
... Homemade Chocolates: "You're so sweet...having you as neighbors is really a treat!
... Horn -... you are such a "toot" (kids' b-day horns, etc...)to be around
... Hugs and Kisses...cause you will need them; you are always giving such great "hugs" ..
... Jar of Jelly: "Jelly is like love -- you can't spread it around without getting some on yourself!"
... Lifesavers: "You've been a life saver!"; ... you are always "saving" (life savers) me from one crisis to another.
... Loaf of bread:
"For being there when you were "kneaded".
No matter how you "slice" it, you are a terrific neighbor."
... Local Newspaper....So you can get acquainted with the community.
... Matches: "To our matchless neighbors"
... Microwave Popcorn and 2-liter of soda: "Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a good neighbor you is!"
... Misc. $ store find - you are such a fix-it-all.
... Mounds bar.....A reminder, (like you need one) that you have mounds of work ahead
... Note pad and pencil.....To make all those notes, window measurements, needed supplies etc.
... Nuts: "We're nuts about you!"
... Oranges: " Orange" you glad we're Friends, neighbors!?"
... Oven Mitt filled w/ treats: "We have to ad-"mitt" you're a great neighbor!"
... Plant: "The kindness you show, makes our friendship grow and grow!
... Plate of Cookies... to give you energy while unpacking.From your New Crummy neighbors would be cute.(jazbos suggestion)
... Recipe: "Just like you friend...it's tried and true, just for you!
... Rice Krispie Treats: "Snap, Crackle, Pop" We think You're really Tops! "
... Roll of Paper Towels....For wiping up any spills that may occur, or to give a quick wipe to shelves etc
... Roll of Toilet tissue....so needing some, won't be an issue
... Scouring pad/sponge: "I scoured the earth for a friend, neighbor like you!"
... Smile
... just sending some smiles your way (flowers & smiley face)
... Some sort of coupon....for instance...an offer to mow their lawn while they are getting settled in.....or, an offer to show them around.....just a couple of ideas here....need more...lol
... Soup mix:- You're "souper; you are such a "souper" (can of soup)friend/neighbor.
... Thermos of coffee....For a coffee break when needed.
... Tissues.....To blow your nose, and wipe your eyes when this all gets the best of you; you always dry up my issues with all your "tissues".
... Veggie, cold cuts Tray: "We "tray"sure your friendship!"
... Yo-yo -... you can make the world go around.
List of Babysitter phone numbers, your own "favorites" in the area, such as pharmacy, restaurants, etc.
Welcome to our New Neighbor......
I made up this Survival kit just for you....
There are a few things with flavor,
And, a few fun things too.....
I hope while you are unpacking,
You take a little time to do some snacking.....
Welcome once again,
Just give a call, if I can help at all.
By gingersnap
... First you'll need a "hug"
... Second we are "mint" to be friends
... Third you'll need these "life savers" for emergencies
... Fourth you'll need a "snicker" for all the jokes we'll tell
... Fifth you'll need "mounds" of friends
... Sixth you'll need an "almond joy" for it is to be had; You'll need some "joy" for it is to be had....You could use joy dish soap or the candy bar...
... Seventh you'll need a "mars" for we'll be friends by far
... Eighth you'll need these "skittles" as life can be brittle
... Ninth you'll need these "nuts" for we all are here; :You'll need these "nuts" because you'll become one
... Tenth you'll need these "tissues" to dry your eyes from all the issues!
Welcome to the Neighborhood!
New Baby
1. Bit-O-Honey "Babies! What a wonderful way to start people." -Mary Engelbreit
2. Laffy Taffy "Changing a baby's diaper is...like laughter. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while." -Unknown
3. Heart Lollipop "A bundle of love to call your own, has come into your hearts and home." -Unknown
5. Candy Watch "Babies are nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at 2:00 a.m." -Unknown
6. Sweetarts "If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time, you're the grandma." -Theresa Bloomingdale
7. Starlight Mint "The world shines bright with endless possibilities each time a baby is born." -Unknown
9. Jolly Rancher "When a baby is born, it cries - and the world rejoices." -Native American Saying
10. Chiclets (mini-box) "Babies are proof that the best things do come in small packages!" -Unknown
New driver's parental kit
... auto insurance policy
...clock with large numbers - so you can see the time from across the room, when your new driver is late, etc.
...comfortable slippers - so your feet will be comfortable as you pace the floor
... compass
... cross in my pocket
... guardian angel
... GPS
... life insurance policy
... miracle in a pocket
...neck cooler - to help us remain calm, cool & collected
...new driver tranquilizers - any colored candy
... prayer
... road atlas
...some kind of 'new driver' contract
...velcro - so as parents, we can get a grip on our nerves
... watch
... worry beads
New Homeowner's
Band aids - for those boo boos you make
Carpet - to soften life's blows
Chocolate candy - because it makes working worthwhile
Duct tape - for those times when he/she won't shut up!
Floor tile - so you can have 'the floor'
Glue - to help you stick with the project
Hammer - to hammer out any problems
Level - to keep your life in balance
Measuring tape - for the next big project
Nails - to hold things in place; to hold you up
Paint - to brighten up your life
Plaster - because owning a home is just "patch, patch, patch.."
Screws - because you may have some loose ones when you finish
Trowel - to smooth out any rough spots
Newlywed
Any sweets "A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life." - Joseph Addison
Button...to remind you that sometimes you need to "button your lip"
Candy Lipstick - Sealed with a kiss
Candy Watch "Marriage is not a matter of counting the years... it's making the years count." -Unknown
Chapstick...keep your lips kissable
Confetti...to remind you to always add sparkle to your lives
Eraser...to remind you that everyone makes mistakes
Heart Lollipop "Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." -Michael Leunig
kiss...to share with each other
Laffy Taffy "On our wedding day I married my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love."
lemon drop...to remind you that "when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade"
Lifesaver...to keep you from drowning in everyday problems
lollipop...to help you lick your problems, no matter how many there may be
Mint...to remind you that you are worth a mint to each other
. Now and Later "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
paper clip...to help you "hold it all together"
penny...to give you the extra cents (sense) everyone needs to "know which battles are worth fighting and which are better ignored
piece of string...to help you "tie-up" those loose ends
pin (safety pin)...to help you "pin-point" your problems, the better to solve them!
Puzzle piece...because you are an important part in each others lives rubber band...to help you to remember to be "flexible" in all things
Slo Poke "The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly." -Peter DeVries
Snickers Bar...to remind you that laughter IS the best medicine
stick of gum...to help you stick together
Sweetart "Take each other for better or worse but not for granted."
Toothpick...to always pick out the good in your mate
Tootsie Roll...to help you roll with the punches
New Puppy
... Bath salts: to take you away at the end of the day.
... cotton balls - to block out the howling
... Doggie biscuits: to divert his attention from the shoes, & to reward him when he is good.
... Hugs(Hershey's): give him plenty of human hugs every day.
... mini clothespins to go over your nose
... newspaper
... old socks or slippers
... Piece of rope: for when she is at the end of her rope.
... plastic gloves like the doctors use
... a prayer - for patience
... puppy toys
... puppy treats
... small plastic bags for the disposal of waste
... Snickers: laughter helps everything.
... Sponge: to soak up his mistakes.
... Tea Bag: sit back, relax and enjoy
... ticking alarm clock
... Tylenol: because sometimes puppies can be "little headaches".
NEW TEACHER
- Animal Crackers-for when your classroom seems like a zoo
Bandaid-for when things get a little rough
Bandaide-to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else's
Battery-to help you keep going, and going, and going......
Button-to remind you that some things are best left unsaid
Clothespin-to help you "hang in there"
Cotton Ball-to cushion the rough roads ahead
Crayon-to color your day
Eraser-to remind you that everyone makes mistakes. That's okay; we learn by our errors.
Flower Seeds To remind you that you every day you are planting seeds for the future
Hole Reinforcers-to remind you to reinforce the efforts of your students and other teachers
Hugs & Kisses-to make everything worthwhile; -to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment every day
Jewel-to remind you that you are a priceless part of our school
Jingle Bell-to you can ring for help if you need it
Lifesaver-for when you've had one of THOSE days
Marbles-to replace the ones you might lose from time to time
Matches-for those days when you feel you need to light a fire under your students
Mint-to remind you that you are worth a mint to us.
Mounds Candy Bar-for the mounds of information you teach
100 Grand Candy Bar-to you will be paid what you are worth
Paper Clip-to help you hold it together when everything seems to fall apart
Peanuts-to remind you to get a little nutty now and then
Pearl-to remind you that your pearls of wisdom will touch many lives
Pipe Cleaner-to remind you that flexibility is important for a successful school year
Puzzle Piece-to remind you that without you, things wouldn't be complete
Rainbow-to remind you that after every storm there is a calm
Rick Rack-to remind you that this year will be full of ups and downs, but eventually everything will smooth out
Rubberband-to remind you to be flexible -- things might not always go the way you want, but it can be worked out
Rubber Glove-for when you need a helping hand
Smiley Face Sticker-to remind you to wear a happy face -- here's one for when it seems difficult
Snowflake-when all else fails, pray for a snow day!
Sponge-to soak up the overflow when your brain is too full
Stick of Gum-to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything
Sweet and Sour Tarts-to remind you to appreciate your students' differences
Sweet Escape Candy Bar-for when you need to escape
Tissue-so you can dry the tears of wounded child
Toothpick-to remind yourself to pick the good qualities in your students and yourself
Wiggly Eye-for when you wish you REALLY did have eyes in the back of your head
Wrapped Present-to remind you that your students are gifts to you
alphabetized to here
New Year's resolutions - my idea
Almond Joy - so I can have more Joy this year
Band aid - to have more charity to remember the ill & afflicted
Basket - to put my cares in one basket & give the basket to God
Bee - 'bee' of good cheer
Calculator - to remember to count my blessings
Clock - no time is a good time to gossip
Cow - as a reminder to turn the 'udder' cheek
Exercise - do daily: walk with God
Knot - to remember 'knot' to worry
Pencil - to 'write' my wrongs
Rubber band - remember to stay flexible
Shoulder pad - to remind me I don't have to shoulder all of the world's problems
Stop sign - stop & think: is this a need or a want?
Vitamins - the best vitamin for a friend is B1
... 0408
Nurse's
Lifesaver - a reminder of the many times others will need your help.
Snicker's Bar - to remind you that laughter is the best medicine
Candle - to remind you that you can light up someone's day
Tissue - to dry tears, your own and someone else's.
Starburst - for that burst of energy at the end of the day
Button - to remind you that sometimes you need to button your lip
Bath Salts - to take you away at the end of the day
Marbles - to replace the ones you will lose
Playing Card - to help you be a better mind reader
Lollipop - to help you lick everyone's problems
Mint - to remind you your compassion is worth a mint to your patients
NURSE SURVIVAL BAG
Starburst: So you have enough energy for all those patients.
Bandaid: For all those cuts and scrapes.
"Rais"in: Because you deserve one.
Lifesaver: You are one
Hugs: Because you deserve them
1. The Cinnamon Toothpicks will help you "pick out" your special qualities and skills.
3. The Peppermint is to thank you for your commit "mint" to your profession.
4. The Smarties will keep you thinking logically to solve tough problems.
5. Candy is the "sweetness" you bring into the lives of those you touch.
6. The Candy Lipstick will guide your words of comfort and healing.
7. The Tootsie Roll Pop will remind you of the important "role" you play in your school, hospital or community.
8. The Candy Watch will help you react quickly to all emergencies.
9. The Laffy Taffy will remind you that "laughter" is always the best stress reliever.
10. Mars Bar, Milky Way acknowledges your talents are truly "out of this world".
Office
Can use an ordinary mason jar and fill with:
Stress Ball
Something Chocolate
Large Eraser
Plastic Coated Colored Paper Clips
Christmas Pencils
Small Mirror
Function Key Keyboard Chart - this one needs an explanation:
Oftentimes software companies will print long little slips of paper that can sit above the Function Keys or F Keys at the top of a standard keyboard. The paper lines up with all 12 keys and gives the user a quick cheat sheet of what each button does in the program they are learning.
My idea is to make one of these little slips of paper but to use rather unique labels for each of the Function Keys.
Some of my ideas are a Instant Tropical Vacation button, a Panic button, a Mute Everything/Everyone button, a Margarita button, and so on...
Each item in the jar could have a little note attached (either use tape or tie on with ribbon). Explain what each item is to be used for. Incorporate inside jokes between you and your co-workers as much as possible. Some sample notes are cited below:
... Chocolate - "In Case of Emergency, Open Wrapper"
... Eraser - "Visualization Tool - Imagine using this eraser to remove, stroke by stroke, the emotion, person or situation that is threatening your sanity!"
... Paper Clips - "For those days when you need a little something extra to keep it all together"
... Stress Ball - "Anger Displacement Tool - When tempted to squeeze a neck, someone else's or your own, squeeze this instead!"
... Mirror - "Look into this mirror as often as needed to confirm that no, you do not have the word "Stupid" tattooed on your forehead"
... Christmas Pencils - "Use these. They're fun. What other reason do you need?"
Oktoberfest
-Barrel - breweries clean out the bottom of the vats and use this thick brew to bottle dark beer varieties
- Confetti - because it was originally a wedding celebration
- stein - for drinking beer
- silk leaf - fall
- dark mustards
- Pretzel
- CDs with German music and polka oom-pa-pas
- recipes - bratwurst
- small flag of Germany
- Traditional colors - blue & white
- Traditional toast:
"Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemtlichkeit
Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemtlichkeit!"
... jazbo 1.10.08
OVERSEAS
American Flag to remind you of the Good Ol' USA
Tissue for when you get homesick
Soap in case you ever hear the phrase "Dirty American"
Clock [set on home time] so you'll only call when we're awake
Legal-size Pad for the LONG letters home
Refillable pen & refills so there's no excuses not to write
Cassette Tape of Bruce Springsteen - Born in the USA - sing along!
Name Tag for when you feel lost
Art Tablet for when you have to draw a picture to communicate
Foot Sole Inserts for all-day sightseeing walks
Band-aids for the sightseeing night blisters
Postcards to save on postage when writing home for MORE money
Blank Cassette Tape for when your hand gets tired from letter-writing
M&Ms to remind you not to melt over there
Computer disk to save all those daily emails to/from home
Dramamine for airsickness or jetlag (yuck)
Ruler for when you need inches, not crazy metric measurements
Candle to put in the window to guide angels to watch over you!!
Over-the-Hill
(see also: Sixty & fabulous)
... Address book: because your old one has mostly names that begin with "Dr."
... Age Spots Remover...bag topper label over a small sheet of sandpaper
... Antacid tablets
... Anti-wrinkle cream - for when you try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks & discover you're not wearing any.
... Anti wrinkle soap - any bar of soap
...Aspirin: for all the new little aches & pains
... Baby bib - to catch the drooling when napping
...Baby food: to help you adjust to softer foods
... Bag of prunes
... Balloon- to Hold all that hot air you're full of.
... belly button brush - when you need a little dusting & cleaning
...Ben Gay: because at the breakfast table you hear snap!, crackle! & pop!, & you're not eating cereal
... bib - for when you dribble
... bottle of wine - for when you want to whine
... bran flakes - to keep you going; to keep you regular
... Bran muffin recipe
...Cane - because 3 legs are better than two
... cane with a horn
...Clock - for all those 'senior moments'
... CONGRATULATIONS!! You know you qualify for the "Over the Hill' gang when -
- you don't know how you got over the hill without getting to the top
- it takes 2 tries to get up from the couch
- you get winded playing games on the computer
... Crying Towel
... A cup for their teeth - because you & your teeth don't sleep together
... Denture cleaner - because your teeth are like stars - they come out at night!
... Diaper - depends, use as needed; ..because everything either dries up or leaks LOL; the bladder is the first to go; ... -is such a baby
... Dye to hide the grey
... Ex-Lax, All Bran or Prunes (To keep you regular)
... Fan - for hot flashes
...Fireball candy: to put some fire back into your life
... Geritol,
... flashlight - to help you find things
... Hawaiian lei - old timer's lucky 'lei'
...Hugs & Kisses: a sweet way to say 'I love you'
... instant face lift - a small roll of duct tape
...Instant Hair Grower: to replace the hair you will lose (get a small spray bottle & make a label - Instant Hair Grow: spray once every day
... Large print playing cards, books, etc
... loose marbles - to replace those lost; for when you have lost yours
... make-up brush - a cheap paint brush for painting walls
...Magnifying glass - for reading really small print
... Memory Pills: take as needed for those 'senior moments';
... mini fly swatter - for those little things that bug you
... Mint- to help you remember all the things you"MINT" to do.
... night light - for frequent potty trips in the night
... Note Book (For the things you forget)
... "Now what in the world did I come here for?" Memory Jogger (mini post-a-note pad on string to put around neck; to jot down the things you don't want to forget
... Oil of Old Age - use daily
... over the hill dammit doll -
... Paper clip- to help you hold it all together
... Picture of buzzard/ old buzzard - : for when you wake up & look just like your driver's license photo
... polident - for that dazzling smile; because your teeth are like stars - they come out at night
... popcorn - still popping
... reading glasses - from the dollar store, .real strong ones, so you can read all those Rx's bottles!!
... roll of Pennies -to help you get a start on your retirement fund. ...Rubber band - to give you your flexibility back
... Screws (incase you lose some)
... Screwdriver (to tighten up loose screws)
...Small box of Bran Flakes - to keep you regular
... Small funnel /hearing aid - because you wonder why everyone has started to mumble
...small treasure chest: because you have entered the metallic age - silver hair, gold teeth & lead bottom.
... Spring clothes pin - to clip to nose to stop snoring
...Starburst candy - for extra energy
... stick of dynamite for laxative......
... A String - to keep your glasses nearby; a child's springy leash would be funny
... A tag that says "Priceless Antique"
... talc - to take the shine off the bald head....
... teddy bear - to help you 'bear' you age well
... Toilet Targets - Avoid embarrassing misses. Better aim, less shame! Just make up some small paper bull's eye targets!
... Toothless comb - : because your head resembles Heaven - there is no parting there.
...Toothpicks - to help prop your eyes open so you don't fall asleep every time you sit down
... Toupee/wig glue - circle of carpet remnant & a tube of super glue
... Toy car - to help you overcome that urge to buy a red, convertible sports car
... Tweezers - -to remove chin hairs, nose hairs, or ear hairs; because your ears & nose are hairier than your head!
... Tylenol for the aches and pains; because your back goes out more than you do!
... Vitamins,
...While You Were Napping post-its - so you don't miss any messages while you were napping ...Whistle - for when you fall & you can't get up
... A yo yo - for strenuous exercise or ( A ball and paddle)
Old age pills
#1 -
(use jelly beans in a large prescription bottle)
Gas-- yellow
Constipation--green
Forgetfulness--black
Arthritis--purple
Baldness--white
Deafness--orange
Wrinkles--pink
Sex--red
The red pill may be cut into fourths if needed.
#2 -
( Eat the color that signifies your symptom, or on a really bad day. Eat the whole bag !! )
Black is for the sadness and despair
That comes with getting old
Purple is for the color of your hair
That you'll keep under a scarf and rolled
Red is for the arthritis and hurt
Your feeling more and more
White is for your memory
That you've already lost, I'm sure
Green is for the constipation
More fiber is what you'll need
Orange is for the deafness
Don't worry, You'll learn to lip-read
Pink is for the wrinkles
I'm sorry, But you'll have many
And Yellow is for the sex
Because you won't be getting any
Here's some different ones:
...For wrinkles - take 1 orange pill
...For arthritis - 1 blue
...For senility - 1 red
...For deafness - 1 yellow
...for baldness - 1 black
...for infertility - 1 of each
"Your hair is now starting to turn gray,
You find a new wrinkle every day.
You notice that your step is slower,
You find your body parts getting lower.
This might come as a bitter pill,
But don't look now- You're over the hill!
Over the hill make up kit
... makeup brush - a cheap paint brush for painting walls.
... Putty knife - for applying make-up
... Pot scrubber - for giving yourself a facial
... Preparation H - for those little baggies under the eyes
... lotion - for when you look down & notice you are wearing alligator shoes, then remember you aren't wearing any shoes.
PARENT'S OF TWINS
a WHOLE Bag of Cotton Balls...for times when you can't hear yourself think
Two Pieces of Rope...in case you get to the end of yours
Two Rubber Bands...to remind you to stretch and grow with your children
Sweet & Sour Candy...to remind you that every child is different
Clock...to remind you that children grow up too fast
Puzzle Pieces...to remind you that you are an important piece in the journey of each of your children
Marbles...to replace the ones you've lost and the kids have claimed
Nuts...to remind you to laugh...get a little nutty and keep the humor of life alive
Tootsie Rolls...to remind you to roll with the punches - things will get a little hectic with twins.
Candle...so you never feel alone in the dark
Do Not Disturb Sign...to remind you that you need time to yourselves
Aspirin...for when all else fails...take two each.
Peppermints...to remind you that your job as parents is worth a mint
A piece of velcro...for when you need to get a grip
Hugs and Kisses...because you'll need lots of them too.
Pack of gum...to remind you that everything works when you "stick" together.
Tea bags...to remind you to take time to reflect on your blessings
Crayon-To color your Family's Day cheerful and bright.
Penny- So you'll never be completely broke
Band-aid- For hurt feelings; yours or someone elses.
Lifesaver-For always being there when your children need you.
Eraser- Because we all make mistakes; sometimes it will be you and sometimes it will be your child.
Paper Clip - So you can hold it all together.
Clothespin- Because sometimes being the grownup stinks!
Submitted by Rhonda
PARENT
... Aspirin...for when all else fails...take two
... Band-Aid...to fix hurt feelings
... Candle - Celebrate! We usually celebrate birthdays but not the small things; so you never feel alone in the dark
... Clock...to remind you that children grow up too fast
... "cotton balls" - are for when you can't hear yourself think
... "crayon" - will help to color your days
... "Do Not Disturb" card - Parents and children need time alone.
... a "Dumdum" for when you feel that way
... Eraser...so everyone can start each day with a clean slate
... a "fireball" for when you're burned out
... A "piece of golden cord" will help tie things together when it seems everything is falling apart.
... a "jewel" because you're as valuable as any precious stone!
... "lifesavers" for those big ones.
... You get a "lollipop" to help you lick your problems
... Most of all you need "marbles" to replace the ones you've lost and
... Nuts...to remind you to laugh...get a little nutty
... a "paperclip" to hold things together.
... a "penny" so you'll never be broke.
... Peppermint...to remind you that your job as parents is worth a mint
... playing card - because raising children is a gamble
... Because you're so important in the journey of your child's life, I give you a piece of the "puzzle".( spray paint a puzzle piece gold)
... The "rope" will remind you if you get to the end of yours, just tie a knot and hang on; Before you get to the end of your rope, remember that children need limits and structure. Set and make them.
... the "rubber band" to remind you to be flexible; Children stretch and grow. If we, as parents, put too much pressure on children they will break.
... You get a "safety pin" for little emergencies
...sign: "Loving, Laughing and Learning" - The three L's are just as important as the three R's
... You'll need a "starburst" for energy
... Sweet & Sour Candy...to remind you that every child is different
... "tootsie roll" - will help you roll with the punches
... trash bag - Throw away all the hurts, negatives, grudges, frustrations, and keep the good thoughts
... A piece of velcro...for when you need to get a grip
Pastor's Wife
A golden thread - to remind you that friendship is the golden thread that ties together the hearts of everyone.
Hugs & Kisses - when you need a hug
toothpick - to help pick out the good qualities in others and yourself
lifesaver candy- for the times others need your help and you theirs
marbles- to replace the ones you've lost
Mounds bar- for the "mounds" of love and support in your congregation
tissues - to wipe the tears of joy and sadness
doorstop- so your door is always open
candle- to help light your path to God
cotton ball- for cushioned support of your husband for the rough roads ahead
button- to remind you to sometimes "button your lip"
band aid -to heal the pain and suffering within your church
pack of gum- so that your church can "stick together"
crayon-to color your day bright and cheerful
sponge-for when the tears overflows
penny-so you'll never be broke; include penny poem
rubber band-to remind you to be flexible
puzzle piece-without you, things wouldn't be complete
a jewel-because you are as valuable as any precious stone!
author unknown
Submitted by Rhonda
Patriotic
...maybe get an "Uncle Sam's" hat for container
...ear plugs - obvious reasons *wink*
...matches
...sparklers
...small flag
...piece of yellow ribbon - to wear for our troops
...packet of stars, stripes & glitter
Pet bereavement
... jar of candy with pet sayings - for sweet senti'mints' about your beloved pet
... memory box - to put your pet's pictures, toys, collars, leash, accessories, etc.
... picture frame - for your fave picture of your beloved pet
... poem - for expressing what is in your heart
... plant - to plant in memory of your pet
... jazbo 0606
PHARMACIST
FIREBALL: for the times you feel completely "burned out".
SAFETY PIN: because safety always comes first.
LIFESAVER: to remind you that you are a real lifesaver.
TYLENOL: take two for the headaches you deal with everyday.
PLASTIC MAZE: to remind you that you are truly "amazing".
RUBBERBAND: for when your "patients" are being stretched.
SNICKERS: after all, laughter is the best medicine.
TISSUE: for drying tears.
MONEY: for all the free advice you give.
PLAYING CARD: to help you be a better mind reader.
BANDAID:to keep you stuck together when you feel like falling apart.
ABACUS: for all the counting you do. (make abacus by putting small beads on a safety pin)
KISS: to remind you that you are loved.
Piece of the puzzle
Because you are so important in the journey of a child's life, here's a piece of the puzzle of life. (spray paint a puzzle piece gold) There's a safety pin for little emergencies & lifesavers for big ones. The cotton balls are for when you can't hear yourself think & the rubber band is to keep you flexible. There's a lollipop to help you lick your problems, & a dum-dum when you feel that way. A tootsie roll will help you roll with the punches, & a penny so you will never be broke. You'll need a starburst for energy, & a fireball when you fell burned out. A crayon will color your days, & a paperclip will help you to hold things together. A piece of golden cord will help you keep things together when they feel like they are falling apart. The rope will remind you that when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on. Most of all, you need these marbles to replace the ones you've lost, & a jewel because you are as valuable as any precious stone.
... author unknown
Pioneer
...Bee - Bee-lieve, brave, industrious, etc.; If God 'bee' for us, who can 'bee' against us?
...calculator - do the math: count your blessings
...chips - when the chips were down, the pioneers persevered
...compass - Proverbs 3:5-6
...cow - families are for-heifer
...Extra gum - for going the extra mile
...heart - they put their whole heart into the trek West
...lollipop - the lesson of the pioneers: together we can lick anything
...marbles - to keep you rolling along
...pin - pioneers stuck to the task of traveling to Utah by wagon or handcart
...prayer rock - in remembrance of Prayer Rock (but don't remember where it was!)
...pretzel - folded arms in prayer; 'pray always, & be believing..."
...a quarter - for remembering Winter Quarters
...Rocky Road candy bar - because the pioneers traveled many a rocky road
...rubber band - because they banded together
...shoe - Pioneer children sang as they walked & walked
... smarties - remember the Word of Wisdom
... smiley face: S.M.I.L.E. - Spiritually Minded is Life Eternal (2 N 9:39)
...wooden stake - there was a lot at stake for the pioneers
Pity party - mine
...Chocolate - a must-have
...kleenex or a nice hanky
...a friend suggested a shot glass - for libation of your choice
...confetti
...complaint doll with accompanying pins
Complaints: frustration, anger, hurt feelings, blue, confusion, depression, anxiety, etc.
#2 -
I'm having a pity party -
what more can I say?
I'm entitled to one,
once in a while, OK?
It won't last long,
& then I'll be done.
In the meantime,
I need a little fun.
--jazbo 0108
Pity pot
When you need a little time to wallow a bit, treat yourself or someone you know who is having a bad day! This 4 and 1/2" terra cotta ceramic mug is imprinted with a white frowning flower and filled with a lollipop, a tissue pack to wipe away those temporary tears, a frowning flower, and the "Pity Pot" poem written by Linda Nielsen.
No smiles today, just frowns I've got.
It's time for a rest on the pity pot.
I'm sad, I'm cranky. It'll be a day or two.
Of feeling down, of feeling blue.
This isn't just a simple mood swing,
It's an honest to goodness pity pot thing.
You must admit that I've earned this spot.
Right up front on the pity pot.
It's just so hard to keep this smile.
I need a pity pot break for just a while.
So give me time to wallow a bit.
I know real soon that I'll get over it.
The clouds will part and the sun will grow hot,
And I'll jump right off this pity pot.
Pity potty
When days are blue
and happiness is spotty,
then have yourself
your own pity potty!
Yell, scream, holler
or even pig out...
whatever it takes...
go ahead and pout.
Just let it all out and vent....
throw things... make a mess.
Throw out every frustration
and flush away the stress.
Pretty soon you'll feel better...
a pity potty is for a short while.
Then think of your blessings
and turn that frown into a smile!
©2008 shirleyt@craftsayings.com
PMS
#1 -
PMS PRESCRIPTION
M & M's and more M & M's
Each color is a different cure, of this fact we're sure.
When you're feeling grouchy and mean, we recommend the green.
For times when you're down, the best choice is brown.
The ache in your head is cured by the red.
To help you be mellow, take a dose of the yellow.
If agitated too, eat a handful of blue.
If your whole life's a drag, just eat the whole bag.
Should weight gain be included as part of a warning?
Forget that! Your diet starts Monday morning!
(Place items in bag with topper dropped into bag with chocolate bar, salt, mood mender tea bag, tissues, midol, motrin, and "Grant me patience, but please hurry!" note or pin)
#2 -
To temporarily calm your craving for chocolate, eat the BROWN one.
At the first sign of "hot flashes" eat the RED one.
Eat the ORANGE one to minimize depression.
The GREEN one calms your frustrations, when you want to be left alone.
If you feel a headache coming on, eat the YELLOW one. The BLUE one reduces bloating.
Directions: Take as needed. If all symptoms occur at the same time, eat the whole bag.
Warning: May cause weight gain.
(Attach this saying to a bag of MM's)
Door hangers
Don't disturb! Woman with PMS
#3 - for husbands
An "I'm Sorry" card all ready for him to sign, seal and have ready to use.
Gift certificate to a place like Baskin Robbins to pick up some chocolate gooey ice cream treat
Another "I'm sorry" card because he "made" her eat all that chocolate and get fat
Gift certificate to a restaurant or for a pizza
(of course he'll need another "I'm sorry for not taking her out LOL)
Gift certificate to a movie theatre or from a video store
Prettily decorated small box for him to put a small "I love you" trinket in, that can seem like a spur of the moment gift.
A foam hand shape attached to a stick, dowel or other object so that when it is all over and his wife is back to normal he can give himself a pat on the back
Lifesaver - to remind you that that is what you are to many people
Key - because you are the key to our safe community
Safety Pin - to remind you of all the safety you provide
Halo - because you are a saint to a lot of people
Angel - So you will always have your guardian angel with you
Gum - use this to get out of "sticky" situations
Shiny penny - keep for good luck charm; every story has two sides
A match - to light your fire when you feel burned out
Modeling clay - to remind you that you are a role model
Paper clip - to help hold things together
Rope - for when you are at the end of yours
Rubber band - as a reminder to stay flexible
Hershey kisses - to remind you, you are loved
A little toy police car - to use until he's allowed to drive a real one.
Inner soles - for pounding the beat.
Water Gun - Drown out crime.
Tums for all those fast foods that don't settle too well
Eraser - because you erase the bad stuff
1. The Cinnamon Toothpicks will help you "pick out" the special qualities that make you a true hero.
3. The Peppermint is to thank you for your commit"mint" to upholding the law.
4. The Tootsie Roll Pop will remind you of the vital "role" you play in our society.
5. The Bubble Gum will help you "stick together" with fellow police officers to complete any task.
6. The Smarties will give you the "wisdom" to make lifesaving decisions.
7. The Saf-T-Pop will help you "safeguard" the lives and property of others.
8. The Laffy Taffy will remind you that "laughter" is always the best stress reliever.
9. The Candy Watch will help you respond quickly to all emergencies.
10. Mars, Milky Way acknowledges your level of dedication is truly "out of this world
Positive behavior for teacher of unruly child
... aspirin - when all else fails, take 2, then send him/her to the principal
... band aid - the remedy for hurt feelings
... candle - to remind you to share your light & experience with others
... eraser - for when you need something to bang around; every day can start fresh anew
... hugs & kisses - every child & teacher needs them
... lollipop - to help you lick anything
... paperclip - to help you hold it all together
... penny - to help you make 'cents' of the situation; was it really that bad?
... rope - when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on
... rubber band - reminder to stay flexible
... ruler - to remind you of the 'golden rule'
... stick of gum - to remind you to stick to the basic classroom rules
... sweat band - so you won't sweat the little things
... sweet & sour - accept & appreciate the difference in us all
Pregnancy
Tissue-Because now you cry during all the Hallmark commercials
Antacid - to help your tummy forgive you for the little thing you couldn't pass up.
Rubberband - To remind you that you won't always be huge...You'll get to keep the stretch marks for the rest of your life.
Penny - To help start saving for that college fund.
Tootsie Roll - To help you satisfy that Chocolate craving
Puzzle piece - so you won't forget that you life would not be complete without the precious little one that you're expecting
Submitted by Rhonda
Prescriptures
Medicine for the Spirit - Contains: 31 Bible Verses! Fun to make!
Prescriptures - Strong Medicine for the Soul
This wonderful gift idea is easy to make and a perfect gift for anyone. An office worker, your child's teacher, a senior citizen, a neighbor, etc. So much fun to make too! Check this out!
Container - anything from a baby food jar, small plastic peanut butter jar, Altoids (metal box), wood tea box, any container that closes, & will hold 31 small slips of paper AND strikes your fancy! Paper - Pretty scrapbooking papers, OR pretty inkjet printer papers, OR pretty notepad papers, OR pretty gift wrap paper (as long as it's not thin & easily torn).
Personally, I would recommend the scrapbooking paper or parchment. You could also use colored index cards in a pinch. Pens - Recommended - gel pens in glittery pastel colors OR roller ball pens in bright cheerful colors. Select 31 of your favorite Scriptures relating to Faith, Hope, Gratitude, Love, Happiness, Prayer, Peace & any others you like. I like hand-printing them on 31 slips of paper--if that's what you want to do, cut out the slips now. Cut them about 3-4 inches long & maybe 1/2 inch tall. If you prefer, you can type them out on a typewriter or your computer & cut them out after you print them. Anyway, if you're doing them by hand, copy a verse or two onto a slip of paper, using the pens. Use different colors for different verses, so your recipient gets a different color every day. When the ink is dry, fold the slips in half & then in half again.
They look pretty if they are colored papers, instead of just white paper. Like little butterflies. Now look at your container. If it's a jar, how can we jazz it up? You could paint it with glass paints if you want. Or you could paint only the lid with acrylic paints. The container I like to use most often is the Altoids metal box or the wooden tea box. The metal box can be painted or you can decorate it with fabric (use spray adhesive in a well ventilated area). This container can be kept in your recipient's desk or carried in a purse. The wooden box can be painted with acrylic paints. Still with me? We're on the home stretch! LOL!
When your container is finished, you can put your Scriptures inside & you're ready to make your tag. Using some scrapbook paper or parchment or other nice paper, place this saying on it (using your gel pens or with your computer):
PRESCRIPTURES
RX: For Health, Hope & Happiness
Read one daily or as needed for Inspiration.
Medicine for the Spirit - Contains: 31 Bible Verses
Warning: Prolonged Use May Eliminate Tension, Anxiety, Insomnia, Fear and Despair; May Cause Lightheartedness
Prim
... by me
tea dying
how to grunge things
homemade thick, glitter snow
how to stiffen fabric prims
how to 'rust' things or make them look rusty
bees' wax candles
tea bags
jute
old buttons
muslin, plaid fabric scrap
torn fabric strip for a bow
quilt scrap
pine branch
berries
twigs
dried spices
Princess
crown - if the crown fits, wear it; you rule!
gem - diamonds may be precious, but you, girl, are priceless.
gummy frogs: you have to kiss a lot of toads before you meet your handsome prince
glass slipper - find those plastic ones for wedding favors & decorate with plastic gems, etc.
feather boas
costume jewelry rings, bracelets
flowers - lots of how-tos on the net; for pins, hair trims, etc.
make a little purse from cardstock, to hold candy, etc.
a simple wand
... jazbo 16.05.11
Principal
1. The Cinnamon Toothpicks will help you "pick out" the special talents of your staff and yourself.
2. The Smarties will keep you thinking logically to solve tough problems.
3. Candy is the "sweetness" you bring into the lives of those you touch.
4. The Laffy Taffy will remind you to always keep your sense of humor.
6. Baby Ruth will keep you from "striking out" while striving to reach your goals.
7. The Peppermint is the "mint" you are worth to your school and community.
8. The Candy Lipstick will help you communicate with students, teachers and parents.
9. The Candy Watch is to thank you for the countless hours you spend doing your job.
10. Mars bar, Milky Way acknowledges your talents are truly "out of this world".
Problem solving
Gum - to have a stick-to-it attitude
Lollipop - to help you lick your problems
Paper clip - so you can hold things together
Penny - so you'll have enough 'cents' to realize you are a valuable asset to your friends & family
Piece of string - so you can tie up loose ends
Pin - to pin-point problems
Rubber band - to keep you flexible
Toothpick - so you won't be too picky
Psychologist/Therapist
... Button - for those times when it is necessary to refrain from saying something you shouldn't but want to
... Caffeine - to help you stay awake
... Cotton ball - to remind you to handle feelings tenderly
... M&M's - great ice breakers!
... Marbles - some spares for when you loose yours
... Nuts - sometimes we all feel like a nut, sometimes we don't
... Paper & pen - for jotting down appointments; making notes
... Puzzle - because life is a puzzle to be solved
... Quarter - for when you need to make a call for help
... Rubber band - to keep your thinking flexible; be flexible & think outside of the box
... Smiley face - to remind you of the impact you have on those you help; you only get one chance for a first impression
... Tea bag - to remind you to take some time for yourself
... Toothpick - to help you dig through problems so you can know which ones can be fixed & which ones can't
... Tylenol - for the headaches you will get
Public restroom
...disposable seat covers
...hand sanitizer
...tissues
...wet wipes
... jazbo 20.07.06
Sometimes it's unavoidable
you really have to go
the call of the public toilet
is one all women know.
It's not a pleasant place
and the queues are long
so to make it bearable
just take this kit along.
Sue Pitchfork 2006~
QUILTERS
... Aspirin: for all those harder projects to come
... Batteries: so you will keep going and going and going
... Carefree gum: to remind you to have fun while you work
... Chocolate: for all the breaks you will need
... Disposable camera: picture all your hard work finished
... Eraser: to wipe away the mistakes you make
... Finger protector: To remember that you are wrapped up in this wonderful piece of work...Enjoy!
... Hand lotion: to ease the pain from the tired hands after a hard days work
... Jelly Beans: for all the colors in your creations
... Lollipop: lick all those tough stitches
... Magnifying glass: Remember to never blow your mistakes out of proportion.
... Mounds candy bar: to give you mounds of encouragement in your work
... Needles: for all your sharp ideas
... Paper clips: to help hold things together like the patterns.
... Pen and Journal: to write down new ideas and record the old ones
... Piece of batting: to remind you to seek out a comfortable place to work
... Rubber Band: so you can stretch beyond your current ability.
... Safety pins: just like your basting you are holding it all together
... Several pieces of remnants: to show out of a little comes wonderful things
... Spool of quilting thread: to help tight up the loose ends.
... Teabag: have a cup of tea and relax you did a wonderful job on the quilt!!!!
... Toothpick: to remember not to be too picky about your work just relax and do it.
expert quilt kits...
tiny squares of fabric in a jar. The jar has a fabric circle to cover the top and a cute little label that says Expert quilt kit.
Quit Smoking
... Dum dum: to remind you of what you will be if you start smoking again
... Mints: your breath is going to smell so minty fresh now.
... Lifesavers: Quitting smoking can add years to you life
... Dentyne Chewing gum: No more stained teeth
... Money pad: Think of all the money you are going to save
... Starbursts: For the new burst of flavor you will taste in your food
... Small datebook: so you can keep track of how well you are doing
... Smiley Faces(confetti): What you will see on your friend faces when they hear you have quit
... Pacifier: (candy one) for emergency gratification
... Lucky penny: Just in case you need a little to see you thru.
... Sensations: To remember you are going to have such a sensational feeling of pride when you achieve your goal
Race car fan
... Aspirin - for the heat, noise, etc
... Camera - to catch those once-in-a-lifetime shots
... Chap stick - for protection
... Cotton balls - to use when the laps get too loud; as a cushion when things spin out of control
... Eye drops - so you won't miss a thing
... Sunglasses - to protect from the glare
... Tums - for all that greasy fast food you gulped down
... Wipes - for those little messes
rainy day kit
If you don't want to plunk them down in front of the TV, keeping kids busy and happy on a rainy day is a challenge. This checklist of things to keep on hand will ensure that your kids always have something creative to do!
Assortment of old buttons (the button box is a great favorite!)
Scissors
Glue
Tape - masking and scotch
Thin string
Colored yarn
Construction paper, many colors
Regular white paper
Crayons (I like to keep them sharpened)
Colored marking pens
Hole punch
Assortment of cardboard things: boxes, toilet paper tubes, etc.
Assortment plastic things: bottle lids, pen lids, plastic containers w/ lids, etc.
Old magazines or catalogs with lots of pictures to cut out (they especially like the toy catalogs...)
Popsickle sticks
Toothpicks
An old blanket (and a couple of chairs in a corner to drape it over)
Recipe for modeling clay
Snack stuff (see below for my grandkids' favorite tidbits..)
My grandchildren are fussy eaters. But they love our little tidbits, served on a plate in small bits and piles, and eaten with their fingers for the most part. The key is the smallness of everything. These are just a few of their favorites:
Raisins, dried apricots and other dried fruit
Almonds
Peanut butter on crackers
Cheese, sliced VERY thin, or in little cubes
Apple slices
Banana slices (leave the peeling on, just make a slice on one side so it's easy to peel off)
Fishy crackers (the ones shaped like little fishes)
Peanuts (not in a shell)
Pretzels
Carrot sticks (very thinly sliced)
Chocolate chips
Applesauce
Cinnamon toast, cut into small bitsized pieces
Chex snack mix (we love to make this ourselves - combine rice, corn and wheat Chex cereal with peanuts and pretzel sticks and a little seasoning salt)
Real Estate
Some days are just so stressful
and nothing goes your way
the house you're trying to sell
looks like it was built of hay!
Buyers are complaining
sellers getting quite irate
and it's getting closer
to final settlement date.
May this kit remind you
to stay focused and cool
all houses can become palaces
that's the golden estate rule.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~
Red Hatter's
Red & Purple Feathers ~ to remind you that you can fly!
Kazoo ~ don't forget to toot your own horn
Pretzels ~ hugs from your Red Hat Sisters
Hershey's Kisses ~ to remind you of the sweetness of family & friends
Penny ~ for your thoughts,
you might as well get paid to talk to yourself
Mirror ~ to remind you that you are very important too
Marbles ~ to replace the ones that you have lost & will lose
Rubber-band ~ to remind you to be flexible
Paper-Clips ~ to remind you that you
are an important link in others lives
Lollipop ~ to remind you that you can lick all your problems
Eraser ~ to remind you that everyone makes mistakes
Band-Aid ~ to fix your hurt feelings
Nuts ~ to remind you to be a little nutty & laugh
Do Not Disturb Sign ~ to remind you that
you need time to yourself
Pen & Pad ~ to write down your thoughts
before you forget them
Cotton Balls ~ for those times when you
can't hear yourself think
Ear-Plugs ~ to remind you sometimes
it's important just to listen
Lifesavers ~ to save you from "one of those days"
Breath-mints ~ to remind you to "just breathe"
Toothpicks ~ to remind you to pick out the good in all situations
Starburst ~ to give you a burst of energy
Tootsie Roll ~ to remind you to roll with the punches
Candle ~ when you feel in the dark
Aspirin ~ when all else fails - take two & call a Red Hat Sister!
if you sew, buy some cheap red & or purple material and make little bags to hold all of the goodies. Wal-mart has some red hat material in stock now, but it's selling fast. If you look in the gift wrapping section, they may have lunch bags in red or purple, you could buy these and decorate. If you are able to find white lunch bags you could decorate them too. If all else fails use large size zip bags, and line them with red &/or purple tissue paper and put the goodies in that.
Relaxation
Nice for those little 'extras'. . . package together:
1 bath fizz ball,
1 candle/tea light
1 scrumptious bonbon....
(I packaged mine in crocheted boxes with pastel tissue paper and shimmery ribbons)
a votive candle
fancy matches
include the following:
Instructions for use
1. Light candle
2. Lock Bathroom Door
3. Drop bath bead into warm bath
4. Soak in Bath
5. Eat Chocolate .
.... ...Result: Complete Relaxation Serves One
--by Beth CT
Retail Worker
Fireball- for those sale days when you get burned out
Pen- to replace the ones that everyone keeps taking
Smile face sticker- to remind you to wear a smile
Marbles- to replace the ones you've lost
Sweet Tarts- to help you remember that everyone can be sweet and not-so-sweet
Rubber band- to help you keep things together
Retirement
... confetti - make every day a celebration
... crayon - to 'color' your leisurely days with sunshine
... heart - now you have the time & freedom to follow your heart
... instant coffee - to remind you that retirement is one long 'coffee break'
... jar - for your 'retirement' fund
... joke - for giving you a laugh or 2
... jolly rancher, snickers - wishing you lots of laughs
... kit kat bar - for when you need a break
... lifesavor - because retirement is the life for you
... marble - to replace all the ones you lost along the way
... marker - your retirement 'marks' the beginning of a special joy for you - now you can do all those things you've always wanted to do
... mint - retire-mint is when you stop living at work & begin working at living
... odometer - now you can live life at your own pace
... pad of paper - for listing all the things you want to do now that you have the time
... pillow - because you've earned the rest; for that long-deserved rest
... plastic egg - wishing you a fun-filled & 'egg'-citing retirement
... seeds - may your dreams continue to grow
... smily face - for a happy retirement
... watch - your time is your own now
Sugar free gum so it wont stick to your dentures( smile)
a road map for all your adventures
A panty liner for when u laugh or sneeze to hard
or when you 're just caught off guard
A magnifying glass for when the book is a little blurred
or a free phone card for when loneliness occurred
support knee highs for the broken veins or
tylenol for the aches and pains
alka seltzer for eating like you wish you could
or slimfast for eating like you know you should
... by susan
Since retirement always comes unrehearsed
Here's a few things for survival but first....
Retirement is one long coffee break
So here's some to keep you awake...
Along with a "Do NOT Disturb Sign," Tees for golfing on the back nine,
Batteries for the remote control,
A money clip for your monthly dole,
A special kind of wrinkle remover,
A monocle so you can see further,
A big brush to sweep away your ills
Or better yet... some happy pills,
A marble for when you lose your own,
A home exerciser to firm and tone,
A fast food coupon to help you subsist,
And most important a Honey Do List!
... by Shirley
*A road atlas with one of those 5x7 magnifiying glasses! Tag would say:"I once was lost and couldn't see..."
* A package wrapped with a tag that says: "Going on a retirement trip?" DON'T DRINK STRANGE WATER!! Inside...a box of Imodium tablets!
* No rest stops in sight on your Retirement Road trip?" (for a woman..an empty Clorox bottle & a white plastic funnel!
* Take a polaroid picture (head shot) of all but 1 of the retirees. To that one person-give an 8x10 frame with all the other retirees pics & phone numbers underneath. Heading printed at the top would say:
Lonely & Bored? Call somebody who cares...we're busy working!!!!"
RETIRE-MINTS
To make your retirement pleasant for those around you, take retire-mints, the pill that'll keep your breath fresh during those long hours in front of the television set. Enjoy minty breath while you forge ahead with mind boggling tasks like changing channels, turning up the volume, getting snacks, complaining, sneering and passing gas.
~Author unknown~
Rising gas prices
Regular - ARM.9
Plus - LEG.9
Premium - First Born.9
Put these with a jar or zip lock baggie:
The price of gas is unreal! You "auto" (put in toy car) see how they keep climbing. To keep you "rolling" (lifesavers, toy tires, tootsie roll, etc) along, here's a little kit -
...arms, legs - graphics or pieces of discarded toys
...beans - for making gas
...bean spoon - will aid in removing gas from beans. The little farts will climb up the handle & jump over the side.
...cotton ball - for the rough roads ahead
...drinking straw - for siphoning gas
...first born contract:
I, _________(your name)_______, give up my first born child, under diress, so I can pay for a tank of gas.
...jar - when the survival kit is removed, it can be used to catch the bean farts as they escape
...kleenex - for those tears of joy when you find gas under $10.00 a gallon
...penny - so you won't be completely broke after your next fill up
...toothpick - to help you pick the gas stations with the cheapest prices
...play money - just in case you run out of real money LOL
...shoe laces - for the new walking shoes you are going to have to get
...change - for riding public transit (lol)
you can use body parts from a child's old action figure.
What started as a joke has turned into a great survival
kit. They should sell very well.
... louc
Roadkill
Barbeque tongs: for picking up the roadkill
spatula - for scrapping the roadkill from the road
disposable plastic gloves - for sanitary reasons
small trash bags or food storage containers
packets of catsup, salt, pepper, napkins, etc.
wax teeth - so you can have your own buck teeth (related to a beaver)
fly-back paddle - tie it on & you have your own beaver tail
block of wood - as bait for the beaver
sawdust - so you can leave a trail for the beaver to follow
... jazbo 6.28.07
Road trip
... Deodorant
... Earplugs
... Film or Disposable Camera
... Mini Shampoo/Conditioner
...post card stamps
... Small Crossword Puzzle Booklet
... Toothbrush/ paste and Mouthwash
... Trail Mix
... Travel Game
RUGBY PLAYER'S
BALLOON: to remind your team to reach for the sky.
BATTERY: to keep you going and going and going and going.
COTTON BALL: to cushion any rough plays.
ERASER: because everyone makes mistakes.
FIREBALL: to give you that extra "fire" you sometimes need during the game.
GUM: to help your team "stick" together.
LIFESAVER: because every player is one sometime.
MINT: to keep you cool under pressure.
PUZZLE PIECE: because you are an important "piece" of the team.
RUBBERBAND: to remind you to stay flexible.
SNICKERS: so you can laugh at all the bad calls.
SPONGE: to soak up the rain during the game.
STAR: because anyone can be one.
Runner
Battery - to keep you going and going.
Star - Aim High and keep your goal in sight.
Water - don't dehydrate.
Balloon - Remember your breathing exercises - easy to forget in the thrill of the run.
Starburst - For a burst of Energy
Rubber Band - Stay Flexible
$1 - Ring a taxi if it all gets too much.
~Sue Pitchfork~